and i am too lazy right now to do pictures, so links it is. i made this list at aaron's request. he always gets me something really cool for holidays, but this year he wanted a list, so i made one. i also want true blood on dvd, but i forgot to put that in there. i have about a million ideas for him. ive only bought him one thing so far though. i gotta get on this!

1. i love these, in a 6g

http://www.bodyartforms.com/productdetails.asp?jewelry=ornate&jewelry2=&jewelry3=&gauge=&gauge2=&gauge3=&length=&brand=&price=&material=&preorders=&internal=&flare_type=&date=&out=&Sale=&clearance=&Filter=&showall=yes&varrows=510&ProductID=5458&index=160

or this color:

http://www.bodyartforms.com/productdetails.asp?jewelry=ornate&jewelry2=&jewelry3=&gauge=&gauge2=&gauge3=&length=&brand=&price=&material=&preorders=&internal=&flare_type=&date=&out=&Sale=&clearance=&Filter=&showall=yes&varrows=510&ProductID=6410&index=51

2.this owl print rocks!

http://www.modcloth.com/store/ModCloth/Apartment/Decor/Pastoral+Portrait+in+Great+Horned

3. this lamp is cute as hell, but kind of expensive:

http://www.modcloth.com/store/ModCloth/Apartment/Decor/Decor+Accessories/Adopt+a+Pet+Lamp+in+Wiener+Dog

4. or this bag:

http://www.modcloth.com/store/ModCloth/Womens/Accessories/Bags/Brick+Lane+Bag+in+Green

5.this bag, in navy:

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?itemdescription=true&itemCount=60&id=17134503&parentid=W_ACC_BAGS&sortProperties=+subCategoryPosition,+product.marketingPriority,-product.startDate&navCount=141&navAction=poppushpush&color=041&popId=WOMENS_ACCESSORIES&pushId=W_ACC_BAGS&prepushId=

6. and of course, the marc jacobs bag:

http://www.shopbop.com/doodle-print-tote-marc-by/vp/v=1/845524441853436.htm?folderID=2534374302024262&fm=browse-brand-shopbysize-viewall

7. http://www.patriciafield.com/westwood-hearts-pump.aspx (size 8)

8.http://www.amazon.com/Black-White-Plastic-Cuff-Bangle/dp/B002HFLRO4

9.http://www.urbanoutfitters.com:80/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?itemdescription=true&itemCount=60&startValue=121&selectedProductColor=&sortby=&id=17469339&parentid=W_APP_NEW&sortProperties=+subCategoryPosition,&navCount=114&navAction=poppushpush&color=&pushId=W_APP_NEW&popId=WOMENS_WHATSNEW&prepushId= (size Large)

10.http://www.modcloth.com/store/ModCloth/Apartment/Observant+Owl+Mouse+Pad for my work computer!

11. http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=35566818&ref=sr_list_3&&ga_search_query=lace+necklace&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&includes[]=tags&includes[]=title

i had a really nice birthday this year. im 30 now, and i dont feel any different. it helps that no one thinks i look 30.

i have a new job. im a case worker for a law firm that helps people with their disability claims. its going to take some adjustments on the part of my schedule, but its going to be great. im a 9-5er! i get weekends and holidays off! also, i will be making a lot more money than previous years. not a bad gig. i just have to get over my nervousness at taking on all this new stuff. its a bit daunting right now because there is a ridiculous amount to learn. wish me luck!

i will leave you with a funny picture of me at my former job. good riddance.

hey hey hey! i got a job! a real job!

as of october 4th, i am no longer a dead end retail manager-in-hell. i took a job as a case worked for social security and disability claims! i get to help people instead of sell them shit they dont even need.

i really feel like this is a step in the right direction. its a grown up job. just in time for my impending 30th!

aaron seems to have something up his sleeve for my birthday. friday we are going to my moms because her and donna are making dinner with my grandmother. then saturday aaron is taking me out for dinner, and im thinking my friends have something planned with him, because no one has asked me to do anything for this weekend. kinda weird. so either they already have plans or theyre all jerks. im betting on the former.

im already daydreaming about everything i can do with my new found financial security. retail does not pay for shit! i mean ive made it work thus far, but it will be so so much nicer to have some stability! maybe i can even save some money!

time to put all these exclamation points to rest. wish me luck and send me new music ideas. ive been listening to jeremy jay, vampire hands, sunset rubdown's newest, and dinosaur jr's newest.

i am emotionally exhausted. it takes a lot out of me to continually talk about myself and try to sell myself as a product. i will be glad when this whole process is settled. but i am damn sure gonna get it right this time. no more settling!

my birthday is approaching. im used to having really crappy ones, but i am keeping my chin up about this year.

new stuff is up top! anthro and urban cuteness! older stuff now 10 bucks!

(  new ANTHRO, urban, forever21, torrid, gap sizes L and 12-18!!! all repeats reduced!!!  )

selling more of my unused stuff! this way i feel less wasteful and make some cash. you get a great deal on some awesome stuff. take a look and hit me up with questions/comments, etc! thank you!

( right this way... )

i have come to the realization that very, very few of you actually know me. and those who do actually know me are the ones who love me. so while i may complain that im misunderstood or some of you act like complete and total dickweeds towards me, i have actually, effectively made a shield around my heart so i keep the wonky at arms length. i have to remember this when i let some shit you people do bother me. the ones i love are few and spread out across this country. they have known me through good and bad and love me despite my numerous flaws. because the me thats underneath everything is so worth it. remember that, bitches.

also, there are some people i love that just get me and i get them. its a visceral attraction to their character and i love that. it may not be the kind of friendship where we get to know everything in and out about each other, but i know they are awesome on an instinctual level. it feels good.

alternately, if yr reading this to cause me drama or if you have ever used my name in a nasty conversation, GTFO!

<3

im trying to surprise my boyfriend with a nice DSLR camera for our anniversary. i dont have a ton of cash to spend though. is this a possibility??? where do you all buy cameras? it doesnt need to be super pro, just something nice.

i came home to 5 color separated bowls of mike and ikes on the coffee table.

aaron had gone to cvs to pick up my prescription and saw mike and ikes on sale, so he bought 5 boxes, brought them home and separated them. he remembered me saying i wish they made each box only one flavor, so youd know what you were getting. so he made it happen.

not only that, but there were peppermint patties in the fridge. this man knows how to love me.

the past week has felt very very long. i feel somewhat different. i feel a bit transformed. i have had a lot to think about, with mina passing away. i have been thinking about my grandfather so much. ive had a lot of solace and just time in general to think. im pretty convinced that i got that horrible head cold last weekend more out of exhaustion than anything else. i hadnt dealt with any of the feelings i should have and it just hit me. like a ton of bricks. it felt so strange to go to the store tonight. it felt like i had not been to work in a very long time, even though it has only been just now a week. im sure ill feel better in the morning, but right now i just feel kind of sinking and nostalgic. i have a lot of dreams where my grandfather comes back. in one, i saw him walking into the backyard and he told me he was on a crazy tv show where he had to convince everyone he had died. and now he was back. ive said before, im no good at loss. sadness and like feelings were not really tolerated when i was a kid and i learned to just ignore them until they were gone. it also made me really afraid of them. i know ill feel better in the morning.

feel free to use these liberally anywhere and everywhere.

i woke up this morning around 5:45 because i heard talking. i live on the second floor of a small, 50s era apartment building and next door is a personal training business. there were two dudes outside talking to each other, and since id left the windows open they were clearly audible. i was about to roll over, ignore them and go back to sleep, but then they started hitting each other and making grunting noises, doing some sort of boxing training. it woke aaron up and he is a really sound sleeper. i decided to go to the window and say "by the way, its not even 6am."

they went inside immediately. im awesome.

she is so photogenic.

i really would like to be inspired by pretty livejournals. do you know anyone on here with a great photography/art/fashion journal? please do recommend!

sundays always leave me a bit blah. im off the next two days and i would enjoy something inspiring.

http://twitter.com/jeshaheidi

yea, you can add me here if you want to also. i dont even know why i need this. i was just thinking how stupid it is. but im there. so love on me.

if you have not already added me and would like to, here is my facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=529406644&ref=profile

and if you would like to add my t-shirt company, here it is also:

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=743371263